User blog:Yterbium/Season 3, Episode 1, "Welcome Back"
What's this? A vanguard review of an object show that doesn't exist? Well, unless you've been stuck in school like seven hours like I was, seeing the review by the people the OSC's been waiting for actually convinced me to write this. Just kidding, I was planning on this review for so long, you don't even know. And for the recond, this new show does exist. I just assumed you all knew that since this website is the place that nobody goes for news about the object community. Anyways, here's the episode that I ceased my studies for. Please note that there will be some non-censored swearing in this, so if you're the vocal minority of the OSC, be warned. Pre-Credits Gag: We are first greeted by a purple screen with a recording sign. Ruby's voice can be heard, sounding slightly different, greeting the viewers. She reveals that they're doing a series of video diaries where they eat gumdrops that they've been collecting over the years. (This was a homage to when the real life JnJ promised a gumdrop towards the viewers or something like that.) I was just waiting for someone to say "Good Luck Charlie" at the end of it. A familiar voice rings out among the purple background, and guess who it is? It's Pencil, as un-British as ever. Wait … never mind. We see the characters coming into view: Pencil, Ruby and Bubble. There's a clever visual gag of Ruby's mouth in the same shape as the lens cap Pencil removed, and Pencil yells at Ruby. I don't know why she must scold Ruby all the time, she hasn't been on her ubutu, I think. There is then this reference to that SpongeBob episode where the lens cap has been kept on the camera for the entirety of filming for the last three years. Canonically, or at least according to the behind-the-scenes people of BFDI (in the universe), the last four years have been covered but unreleased to the general public, the lens cap has been on the camera. But instead of a purple circle thing, it's poo. After a scene of Bubble and Ruby suddenly making gumdrops of varying colours appear out of nowhere, it's revealed that Pencil and the rest of the FreeSmarters are in Yoyleland. No wonder, those BFDIA 6 bloopers were correct! Chronologically, I would place this directly after BFDIA 6, just three years in the future. But in 's time scale … you'll have to see for the info. Another shocking thing happens: the view above Ruby is shown along with Bubble. I'd never think an object show would go that far in assets in which things like that could happen (except Brawl of the Objects), but it did. Thanks, Jacknjellify, for making this video super aesthetic. And that's not an insult. Then the theme song happens. It's not a montage of the characters and the people who play them, but it's more like an extended version of the BFDIA theme song, only I bet this was made for people who have no idea what BFDI even is. The music is very electronic and reminiscent of that weird phase of musical taste everyone seemed to have in the late 2000's and early 2010's. In simple terms, it's basically Cyndi Lauper and ELO's lovechild. We get to see the cast, which is basically all the characters that existed in BFDIA 5. Then we see the Locker of Losers, which includes everyone who ever tried out for the parts of characters on this show, but failed miserably. This cuts to the original theme of BFDIA, with the additional characters, only the colours are more of a red and purple shade, and the words BFDI, just in reverse, appear on screen. The whole thing is pretty, admittedly. Our first scene enters with a white version of Pin and Fries with one fry in him, digging furiously. If this is a metaphor for something, I have no idea. Fries complains about having his fries gone rotten, burnt or eaten. While it is charmingly aesthetic in a way most object show makers can't do, my reaction is a simple bleh. Fries "kind of wants to" live in the hostile environment called Yoyleland, possibly referencing the political turmoil after the failed coup of Turkey, 2016. Before you accuse me of thinking beyond what is to be thought and saying that this was the last thing in the creators' minds, it sounds pretty masochistical of Fries to say so. Oh, Fries, you're so sexually metaphorical. You'd be perfect for , y'know, if I cared about you. Bomby appears suddenly, saying some pretty laconic stuff: "Two" and "What". Fries is back at it again with the sexual metaphors, sonically isolating the word "hoe". I wonder if he thinks Pin is one, and, if he does, if he's one of those racists who stereotype Asian women. How rude! Woody cameos really quietly. Wait a minute, wasn't he supposed to be in the LOL or did anyone in the sensible part of the OSC just stop suddenly caring? The next scene over, Bubble and Ruby are devouring from a pile of gumdrops as Pencil recollects herself by looking at the skyline of Yoyle City. She does this to Pen, too! Ruby breaks the big secret, which I guess isn't really a secret anymore: Puffball is eliminated. I'm guessing that 99% of the still alive members of the OSC knew that, because of her sudden asshole-y behaviour an episode back. Also, Tennis Ball got the least dislikes 'cause he's so goshdarn awesome and stuff. Ruby plays along with Pencil on the tower, when Pencil warns her that it is dangerous on the edge of the tower. No, really. But it's great to see Pencil's motherlike tendencies on this show when we thought all signs of a family disappeared like any support that I have for Leafy. Firey is kept in a cage at the end of the tower, which for some reason never gets explained. Pencil has one of those perilous moments like they do in every PG-13 movie ever. Pencil falls, which I bet all the Pencil-haters must be replaying. Yes, I see you, people who don't know this website. But you don't see me. Anyways, in a quasiheroic moment, the rest of FreeSmart go down the elevator in the tower. I totally forgot if this even existed before, or even if much attention was focused on the Seattle-y monument just an episode in the past. Can I just say, the stairs in that building are awesome? They remind me of something in the old country. We invented Victorian style, mates. Ruby dies just by jumping off but ignoring the long staircase. Book holds Pencil, representing the fact that Book is more supportive to be a mother in this universe than Pencil will ever be, which, if you saw here, is ironic as shit. Woody is on fire, so Ice Cube in a heroic act of friendship steps in and … dies. Oh, we hardly knew ye. (Headcanon dictates that Leafy was too bad for her so she's now a part of the alliance.) A fun thing one can notice is that you can hear angelic voices sing with Ice Cube as she dies. How Book of Revelation-ish. Ooh, yay! Another Pin and Fries scene! Pin suddenly loves potatoes, as demonstrated in a kawaii flashback. (Yes, I have finally said it!) "I don't know what your 'point' is", Fries says as he gently touches the top of Pin's head. You would think you'd boo and hiss him if you knew what problems transgender people face, or at least in America, but the audience will probably not notice until, like, 3 years after. Pin laments not being able to make friends, when Nickel appears. Hey, Adam Katz still voices him! I was worried that would change too. Nickel says he lost colour, which was a line that I thought was pretty funny. We learn that Pin got her limbs and lack of colour from Golf Ball, which are the same thing. She says that Golf Ball is "the best", which leads me to two conclusions. # Pin is so selfish that she only likes Golf Ball for what she can do for her. # I wonder if Golf Ball spiked her chemical limb thingies to make her personality think she was the best. Huh. We finally get to see Golf Ball and Tennis Ball! The nerds are back, and I mean that with as little disrepect to my fellow intelligent brethren and sistren. For some reason, Yoyleland is bilingual, in English and in some weird syllabary-like alphabet. Oh, those Ottoman Turks. I have nothing against the Arabic alphabet, but seeing scribbles in a place still stuck in an era before World War I was a little weird. (You might get that reference after I get back to writing.) Golf Ball bosses Tennis Ball around in achieving her entering the place, but Tennis Ball is a bit worried about the situation. Needle comes, slapping Golf Ball for calling her "Needy", a phenomenon that I thought never happened in that "BFDI is back" video. Yay, Needy, you're back! Golf Ball says words that are pretty boring and sesquipedalian, which is what she would do, but Tennis Ball corrects her by saying that she said "create creation". Needle knows a few things about FreeSmart, which doesn't surprise me whatsoever. I mean, sisters can't be that secretive! Anyways, the balls enter the building, which has several inventions in it, including what appears to be part of the Blue Power Ranger, a holed sponge, the words "Stop her" in blood, and what I think is some type of Pokemon, I mean, something I learned in biology but is now lost within my head. I always love seeing what inventions they can come up with on this show, because it reminds me of the slowly undying connection between IDFB and what machines lie in the universe. (Think of Pencil and Pen's son!) Creepy music starts playing for some reason, as Golf Ball's face becomes part of her own grooves when she believes the abandoned objects could be stolen. For some reason, watching this for the second time was scarier than watching this for the first. One of the inventions on display is a wall teleporter, which looks like a 1980's version of the selfie stick. Wow, pop culture and object shows. You may now kiss! The music starts getting creepier as Golf Ball gets scarred by some memory. You see, back in the olden days, when Golf Ball was smooth, our own headmistress was sneaking about in this place, when suddenly she heard some weird distorted voice sneak up on her. She hid behind the third of five identical vases, when the one holding her gets hit by some even weirder mediaeval-looking weapon. Sometimes, I swear that people get turned on by this. TB apparently notices Golf Ball has freaked out, but she wants to go, which is pretty unscientific to me. That's the third creepy thing that happened on the show involving Golf Ball, and that's counting that Creepypasta I read on DeviantArt! We suddenly see Pin and Fries again as music that sounds like it could come from Mario Kart plays. Coiny walks over and says that potatoes produced by one of TB's inventions are de''licious!'' I can imagine the OSC turning this into a meme. Just check the Objectanon Fan Wiki or whatever it's called in a couple of days and every comment will be some variant of "Lishas". Coiny's arm waves and he goes to a plant bud, before getting slapped by Pin. Didn't this happen on SpongeBob where they all get trapped in the kelp forest? Maybe someday. Anyways, Fries yells at him for being impatient as they barely started growing. Coiny tells him to calm down, as he said I think in a past episode, probably the one that's almost at the end of BFDIA 5, but not exactly. Pencil and Book are walking and Book tells her that Firey got punished, with no explanation as to why. Was Firey spying on another gender? Was he yelling at Ice Cube for reading the Water magazine? Important questions! Book also recommends that Pencil bring Match back from the TLC. What struck me out to pause this scene was how different the nobodies there looked. I always knew they'd physically change whilst in the LOL! In a breathtaking moment, Pencil is indifferent about this. She tells Book that Match is often a little "needy", but resists getting slapped by making the same sound people make when they can't get their poop out because, well, Needle is her sister or something. Nepotism! Or at least in this case, friendotism, since Book didn't get slapped either. I thought, in a sitcom moment, that upon seeing the HPRC, Pencil and Book would decide to revive Match anyways, but they recover Bubble, Ruby and Ice Cube instead. As we see Coiny and Pin, it's revealed that it has been six months since Pin … changed. Pin says, "Still a little tingly, but getting better!" If a BFDI fan started watching at this point, they would probably fall into pieces from the lack-of-context dirty "subtext", but first they would wonder why Pin has her limbs back and is white. TB and GB come over with the wall teleporter and "coin-creature" is elated. TB explains the instructions of the wall teleporter, which is written in that same faux-South Arabian alphabet. The wall teleporter, wait for it, can teleport people through walls. Good luck in 1914, Donald Trump! After raising five fingers, something apparently most cartoons fail at, Coiny says something which I thought would never be said: "… we can free mah bois SB, Pen and Blocky". Aside from that loving reference to the Legend of Zelda, I knew Coiny had gang relations just like Donald Trump. I was also starting to think that Pencil's own husband was becoming more like a character created by Jacknjellify but never with a set personality. JK, I always thought that. TB talks about the ultra power mode, which I'm sure will be a future plot point. Just wait and see. Pin asks if Fries wants to come with them, which I believe is another reference. The fact that the kids walking have no idea about the ridiculous subtext just proves how good Jacknjellify are at slipping things under the radar, something I've been dying to do. Bottom line, the miniscene ends with Fries saying something that could be perceived as a metaphor for asexuality. The Mario music goes up to eleven as we see a montage (if that's the right word) of Golf Ball, Pin and Coiny going towards the LOL. What makes this more interesting than the other one from are the obstacles on the way: Pin slips on Rocky's vomit which Yellow Face rolls in, which I found a little gross, even more than Fries' rotten fry. The team prepare to get someone through the LOL, meta-referencing the series. (I always thought that was Coiny's job.) Everyone is on board with it, and Coiny requests that they bring Snowball back for being a man of virility. Here's where Jnj's Snowball and 's Snowball differ … Snowball is an evil sex offender and deserves to be locked up in the TLC. I mean, it's been three years but there will be too much backlash about this polarising issue. The group of friends can't decide who should be released, with results ranging from Barf Bag and Roboty (who, before this aired, were practically forgotten). Yellow Face tells us, the viewers, to vote on who should "be freed from the TLC" and the one who wins "gets back into the show". What show? Is BFDIA dead? Why is Firey trapped so subtextually? I guess you'll have to Estigua around to find out. Also, there's a scene where Coiny fries his breath and even the Metal Leafy is disgusted. Firsts: Fries is sexual, a different coloured thumbtack speaks English, Old South Yoylelandic syllabary, Penc-penc's motherly tendencies, Pen gets mentioned since On a more meta note, who will you vote for? It seems that with the Wiki, Discord and Reddit links this show will get more popular, and with the already over 9000 comments, we need to be represented. So please, vote back Pen, our favourite jock™ (Jewish object character known to man) so he can make BFDI BFDIA IDFB great again! Category:Blog posts